Tested today....

Well this morning I tested!! Even though I know it's early still I
wanted to know and the test was NEGATIVE...

I openly cried in front of Michelle! I can't begin to describe how I'm
feeling right now, I'm so hurt and disappointed in myself because I
also plan things and succeed in them the first time so not succeeding
the first time isn't a good feeling!!! I read all the books, did
everything the book told me I should be doing and it didn't work?!?!

I'm glad I have positive people in my life... My sister has been so
positive and saying just the right thing to turn my doubts away
briefly... During my crying and hurt I never asked Michelle how she's
feeling??? I think people forget about the other person during this
time. People will send condolences and well wishing to the pregnant -to-be
person but not to the partner, why is that???

So now I must decide do I do this again or drop it??? But would I be
being fair to Michelle if I decide to drop it without talking with
her??? She wants to go see a specializes about it, I don't want that,
because than again I will feel like a failure...

We did decide that we would wait until May before we try again...

Live.Laugh.Love

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March 12,2010...... Now we wait......

Well last night we inseminated... It was such an experience?! The
sperm came in such a small container... And Michelle was so nervous
that it was frustrating both of us?!?! It's funny that during the
whole process it was like I was hovering above my body watching myself
becoming pregnant!!

Sperm definitely doesn't look like I thought it would... It took less
than 15 minutes to thaw it out and like another 15 minutes to
inseminate... The months of preparing it takes is done in like 30
minutes?! It's crazy... But I'm so excited about the possibility of
being pregnant...

After the insemination they recommend that you have an orgasm to help
your cervix "suck up" the sperm... So we debated on how do you do that
knowing that sperm was inside me??? And because the whole process was
so medical, it was like I wasn't a part of the it because all I could
concentrate on was getting pregnant....

So now we will have to wait 2 weeks, because the books say we can test
beginning 3/22, that's 5 days before my next period is schedule to
start....

SO NOW WE WAIT!!!

Live.Laugh.Love

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Multimedia message

This package is about to change OUR lifes!!! 

It Has Arrived!!!

Okay, so the sperm arrived yesterday while I was @ work and my neighbor signed for it, not knowing he was carrying sperm!! =)))) Wonder how he would feel if he knew he was handling another man's sperm?!? Anywho, I was so excited to see the box before I went to school, because I can't open it until I'm ready to use it. But I still wanted to see it, and so I waited for Michelle to get home so we could look @ it.. I was trying to take a picture and asked Michelle to move over so I could get the picture of the box alone, (heard about that later)... So then I left for school and posted on my facebook page that "this box was about to change MY life" and before bed Michelle gets to telling me that she's concern because this is gonna be MY baby and she doesn't feel that she'll have rights and that I put "MY" on my facebook page. I didn't know how to reassure her that this is our baby and that she'll have rights???


So, the question is "how do I guarantee that she'll have rights" with us living in MI where they're so determined on not giving same sex partners equal rights?? It made me question if I really wanted to have this baby with another person if it's gonna causes problems??? So, do I reassure her daily by making sure I always use the pronoun "ours or we"?? can those six letters really be that profound???


I think I will contact these female attorneys that I met that says they can help with securing my partners rights....


Okay, back to the sperm!!! So, it's sitting @ the bottom of my bed in the box... I'm still checking my cervix mucus and using the OPK, I used the OPK last month and nothing but this month it's looking like it's gonna work and that's just making me more excited that I actually might become a mother again soon!!

While writing this I'm thinking about an episode of ER when the chief of staff's partner dies and her family takes the baby from her... Will my family do that to Michelle as a way of holding on to me??? I think I finally just felt her concern an worries?! It's fascinating how television can bring real life situations into prospective.... 'I'm feeling your pain, Michelle?"





I will end each blog with this disclaimer "I'm not a Doctor or expert on this subject. Anything I say is just informational and you should always speak with your doctor before doing or trying anything I say medically."

Testing...

Testing my emails to see if it's working???

Live.Laugh.Love

April M. Mason

Sent from my iPhone

Testing... Trying to see if my mobile blogging is working...

It's really happening???

We just ordered our sperm!!! The woman taking the order was rude and almost made me forget how special this moment was for me... But of course, Michelle remained calm and calmed me down =)))...

So now we will inseminate next week... The countdown is so exciting but I'm trying to stay cool, calm and collected...

So we decided on the first donor we looked @ 2 months ago!! and I'm comfortable with the choice not sure if Michelle is as comfortable or if she's just trying to make me happy??? That'll always be in the back of my mind....

It cost $630.00 for one vial of speciman!! can you imagine how expensive this can cost??? It's so funny that when you want something you have to pay so much for it, but when you don't really want it or isn't ready for it, it comes free?!? (i.e unplanned pregnancies!!)Can you imagine how many fewer babies it would be if everybody had to pay to get pregnant??? Hmmm? Government should look into that (just kidding!)


Okay just needed to express this... Will update more often after we inseminate....




I will end each blog with this disclaimer "I'm not a Doctor or expert on this subject. Anything I say is just informational and you should always speak with your doctor before doing or trying anything I say medically."